Fear...

It's weird what things in our life causes this emotion. I can jump off of a thirty foot platform, scale the highest tree in the forest, take a walk in the woods at night, spend time with Jr. Highers, and still not experience it...yet, I fly back to Spokane and I find my knees turn to jelly, my innards tighten, and my mind begins to spin. I have this automatic reaction to want to jump on the nearest flight back to California. Why am I so scared of this place? It's not so much the place it's the person I become when I am here that I don't like so much.

Depression, anxiety, S.A.D. (seasonal affect disorder)These are the things that come to my mind when I think of Spokane. School is not my problem...I am my problem. School focuses me inward. Everything is geared toward you during college. What you need...how to make you happy enough to stay so that you will pay another 22,000...how to give you a good education...these things dry me up. I can't be focused on me and be happy. I don't work that way.

So here I am afraid of becoming unhappy after an amazing 6 week hiatus in California.

So, what to do?

1. Anti depressants...paxil here I come!!!!
2. Counseling...great counseling center on campus.
3. Get involved in a church...trying a new one out this semester
4. Talk to my registrar because my new course list says I should be able to graduate
this May...are they screwing with my mind? I will check that out tomorrow ASAP.